DeeDee McPhaul is the heart and visionary behind Why February, a foundation dedicated to honoring her late husband, John McPhaul. The foundation observes John’s legacy of purposeful, intentional living and strong values rooted in mentorship by providing scholarships to young Black men. Additionally, the foundation raises awareness about health and gastric cancer in Black males.

DeeDee and John were dearly devoted to each other and their marital purpose: to touch the lives of many through their union. This dedication continues to prevail. Through the Why February Foundation, DeeDee is committed to sharing John’s story and continuing his work. Take a moment to learn more about the Why February Foundation, DeeDee’s purpose in creating the foundation, and how you can support its mission. 
 

Who is DeeDee McPhaul?

First and foremost, I’m a Christian. I was a wife, and now I'm a recent widow. I was born and raised as an Air Force brat. I am my parents’ firstborn and their only daughter. Since my dad was in the military, I have lived in different parts of the country. As a result of his various assignments, I learned many life skills, such as driving a stick shift (which I still drive today), sparking conversations, and making connections with others. I consider myself to be a visionary. Lastly, I’ve been a personal stylist for over 30 years and love creative projects. 
 

How did you meet John?

I was in Washington State because my dad retired from McChord AFB in Pierce County. When I was 21, I met John while he was stationed at Ft. Lewis, Washington. This was John’s first post-college duty assignment. We knew it was fate because he was initially assigned to Germany for three years but decided to swap assignments with a colleague. We were married on February 16, 1990. 

During our fifth year of marriage, John was assigned to work in Northern Virginia at the Hoffman Building and the Pentagon. We followed each other in separate cars across the country. For six days straight, we traveled from Washington to Washington, D.C., where we started our new life. 

John was great at keeping me focused. He was also super accountable and dependable. He was my “John John,” a music buff, and my personal tech guy. 

Why is the foundation called Why February?

February has many significant dates in John’s and my life. I was born in February. Our anniversary is in February. We found out his cancer was terminal on February 3, and he passed on February 28. When John passed, all I remember asking was, “Why February? God, why would you take him in February?” I didn’t want February to become a month of sadness because we had so many celebrations in February. 

What inspired you to create the Why February Foundation in memory of John?

When John passed, the family and I didn’t want cards. We knew we wanted to do something that involved education because John valued mentoring young men. While attending North Carolina A&T State University, John was enrolled in the Army Reserve Officers' Training Corps (ROTC) and was commissioned as a 2nd Lieutenant in the United States Army. Additionally, he played the saxophone in North Carolina A&T’s Blue & Gold Marching Machine Band. During his freshman year, he joined Phi Beta Sigma, Inc. and served as president. 
Due to his affinity for his alma mater, we were inspired to create the Colonel John H. McPhaul Jr. Memorial Endowment Scholarship. The scholarship is awarded to a North Carolina A&T student enrolled in the Army ROTC and a band member. The scholarship aims to invest in a young, thriving student’s education. I know John would be proud of the foundation because he deeply supported both organizations: the Army ROTC and North Carolina A&T’s marching band. 

What do you want people to remember about John?

I want people to remember how much he invested in others’ lives through mentorship and service. John was dedicated to mentoring and spent a lot of time volunteering. He volunteered as a mentor to eighth grade boys at our church and taught them how to tie a tie. While serving on our church’s marriage ministry team, John and I facilitated classes for married couples for five years. 

When John was diagnosed, he was training for a fitness competition because he deeply valued health and fitness. When he found out about his diagnosis, John immediately called Barbershop Zoom. This was a group of his immediate friends from high school and college. During these calls, he educated them about his cancer symptoms because he was originally misdiagnosed with acid reflux. Throughout his cancer battle, he continued to work and mentor. He shared a heartfelt post on Facebook. It was a very vulnerable and long article to inform people about his cancer, how he felt, and to educate others. After he passed, it was ruled his cancer was service-connected. 

What advice would you give to other widows as you grieve and continue the legacy of your husband?

I’m in the process of creating a podcast for widows to share their experiences. I decided to title it "The Formidable Widow." This is my first time being alone because I went from living with my parents to marrying John, so it’s an adjustment.  It’s not about getting over grief; it’s learning to manage it. You never get over the pain of losing someone you love, especially not a husband. Being a widow has so many layers—I lost a best friend, a lover, a companion; he was my guy. You have so many emotional triggers from memories that can trip you up, like a song or food in the grocery store. John’s mantras were, “Keep the faith” and “It’s not what you’re going through, it’s how you go through it.” That’s how I try to live my life. I feel his presence, and I know he would want me to continue moving in my purpose. Even though he’s gone, I know we’re still doing life together. I spend most of my days doing Pilates, lifting weights with my personal trainer, getting massages, traveling, visiting wineries, attending concerts, going to events solo, and getting back into my fashion styling business. Indulging in self-care and reconnecting with my passions help me get through the days. 

What has God revealed to you throughout this whole process?

God reminds me to remember my purpose and my gifts. Everyone is born with a gift, and my validation doesn’t come from being John’s wife. I also hear John telling me to keep the faith and his mantra, “Always forward, never backward.”

Can you tell us more about the Noir Why February gala? 

Since John passed, we’ve hosted three fundraising galas in February to party with a purpose. The theme focuses on health and fitness and to raise awareness about gastric cancer. Each year, we invite professionals from the health, fitness, and sports industries to educate guests about health and wellness while honoring and celebrating John’s life and legacy. Lastly, we want guests to have a memorable evening.  

How can people support the foundation?
Please donate at https://www.whyfebruary.com/donate or text “McPhaul” to 41444. Our fourth annual gala will be held on February 22, 2025. Please save the date and look for RSVPs. 

Interviewed and written by Asha Bey from ashabey.com